Archive for May, 2013





There are numerous types of child abuse i.e. emotional, physical, sexual, neglect, and abandonment.  These have an emotional effect on children who necessitate consistency, structure, clear boundaries and the understanding that their primary caregivers are looking out for their safety. Abused children cannot foresee how their parents will act. Their world is a capricious, fearsome place with no normality. Any form of abuse will result in a child feeling insecure, neglected, mistreated, alone, or abandoned.

Children have nothing to be ashamed of…the shame of being human has been passed down through the generations by ignorant children who have grown up into adult parents who have an injured spirit, shattered hearts and a jumbled psyche.

“Shame is noxious and does not belong to children!”​​​


MYTH: It is only abuse if it is violent.​

Fact: Physical abuse is only one type of abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse are as damaging, since they are more inconspicuous others are less likely to get involved.

MYTH: Most child abusers are strangers.

Fact: While abuse by unfamiliar persons does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family

​MYTH: Child abuse does not happen in “good” families.

Fact: Child abuse happens across the board immaterial of one’s social or financial status. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Many dysfunctional family’s portray their family unit as being “picture perfect” thus living in denial and not seeking out the help that is required to remedy their situation.

​MYTH: Only bad people abuse their children.

Fact: Not only “bad people” abuse their children and not all abusers deliberately cause harm to their children. Many wounded adult children were victims of abuse themselves and have remained ignorant on how best to raise their own offspring. Others may suffer from various mental health issues or of substance abuse.

​MYTH: Abused children always grow up to be abusers.

Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, instinctively replicating what they experienced as offspring. Many “wise” adult survivors of child abuse who have chosen not to remain ignorant on the subject matter have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.     All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child’s sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships and ability to function at home, at work and at school.


CHILD LINE 0800 055 555

TELKOM CRIME HOTLINE 0800 124 000 / POLICE 10111/1022



HAVEN OF THE HEART FOUNDATION respects your privacy. If you have had or know of any child abuse experience/s you wish to communicate to us or need advice on some matter, kindly email us at and we will respond as soon as possible and assist where we can.



In 1995, South Africa ratified the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child and committed to a range of obligations aimed at establishing and protecting the rights of children.  The Child Care Act, (74 of 1983) and the Child Care Amendment Act, (86 of 1991; 13 of 1999) makes sexual abuse of children a criminal offence.  Child abuse and neglect is the physical or mental injury, sexual exploitation, negligent treatment, or maltreatment: of a person under the age of 18. Carried out by a person (including any employee of a residential facility or any staff person providing out-of-home care) who is responsible for the child’s welfare under circumstances which indicate that the child’s health or welfare is harmed or threatened thereby. (011) 793-4367


“Where you end up does not depend on where you start; it depends on which direction you choose to take from where you currently stand.” – Kevin Ngo
Your future does not depend on your past, but on your path. Your path is simply a summation of your choices. Those choices are what point you in the direction that will take you to your destination.


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I recall reading the following story about how on one Sunday morning a usually long-winded pastor preached his shortest, but one of his most effective, sermons ever.

He said, “My sermon this morning has three points.

“First, over three million people in the world today are homeless. “Second, most of you don’t give a _ _ _ _.
“And third, it is a shame that more of you are upset by the fact that I said the word, ‘_ _ _ _’, than by the fact that over three-million people are homeless.”
I’ve heard that a well-known preacher did a similar thing when speaking about the tragedy of abortion in this country, only the four-letter word he used was even stronger!

Seriously, I’m not condoning preachers using these words, but how sad it is that so many of us will get considerably more upset over someone using a bad word than we do about people being homeless, about the problem of abortion, or human trafficking, not to mention the lost going to hell without Christ and without hope!

We are concerned even about the last mint leaf in our garden, but ignore the important things—justice and mercy and faith. Yes, we should be concerned, but we shouldn’t leave the more important things undone by turning a blind eye!


Let us not be guilty of straining out gnats and swallowing camels, but rather we should be concerned about the things in life that truly matter.

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“You can always tell a tree by it’s fruits and whether it is planted in good or bad soil”

A boy came home from school one day with a note from his teacher saying she had to punish him for swearing. His father took him aside and said, “Well, son, what about it?”
The boy replied, “I have nothing to say, Dad. I deserved it. She heard me say what I said and called me into her office.”
“Then what happened?”
“Well, she asked me where I had heard such language. But I didn’t give you away, Dad. I blamed it on the parrot.”
Need I say more except to say that the heart of all effective teaching is “show me don’t tell me.” That is, we need to model what we want our children to learn, to become, and to do!
Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to model for my children and others the kind of person you want me to be so that others seeing what you have done in my life will want the same for themselves. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Philippians 1:27.

spiritual 3

Churches and Destructive Social Pathologies.


Focusing and being grateful for the small things in life is pleasurable! Treat each new moment with surprise for tomorrow is promised to no-one…live for today and be the best that you can be!


It is a well-known medical and scientific fact that life without significant relationships is not only meaningless, but very unhealthy.

In his book, The Broken Heart, James Lynch says, “Most of the people I deal with have at the root of their physical problems the problem of loneliness. They may well be living with someone, or indeed in a busy, bustling family atmosphere but they do not know what it is to experience a close relationship. The lonely are twice as likely to suffer physical problems as those who enjoy a warm relationship with at least one other person.”

Dr. Bernard Steinzor in his book, The Healing Partnership, says, “The person who feels completely alone and has lost hope of a relationship will become a patient in the wards of a mental hospital or bring their life to an end through suicide.”

Sydney Jourard in his book, The Transparent Self, said, “Every maladjusted person is someone who has not made himself known to another human being and in consequence he does not know himself. Nor can he be himself. More than that, he struggles actively to avoid becoming known by another human being. He works ceaselessly at it day and night. And it is work!”

Selwyn Hughes wrote, “We come to know ourselves only as we know how to relate effectively to others. A person who is known in a loving, trusting relationship by at least one other human being, is rich indeed and will have little fear about facing the world.”

Hughes also wrote, “We all need to be close to someone, so never apologize for the longing that you find within you for a relationship. It was built into you by the Creator and is therefore part of a divine design.” I certainly agree with Hughes in that “only in the context of relationships can the deepest longings of our being be met and satisfied.”

The reality is that we not only need a right relationship with God but healthy relationships with one another. This is why open, trusting, accepting and non-judgmental groups are such a powerful entity at a time when much of life has become technical and impersonal.

Rowland Croucher, writing in Grid, said, “More than 85 percent of small group participants of all ages say that as a result of their participation they feel better about themselves, are more open and honest with themselves, are better able to forgive others, and have been helped to serve people outside the groups.”

We can live successfully without having to be in a romantic relationship, but we cannot live a worthwhile life nor can we grow outside of meaningful relationships. As the Bible teaches, “It is not good to be alone.” If you can’t find a small group in your church, may I suggest that you start one yourself. An effective group, however, is where people are open and honest, share their struggles and sorrows as well as their joys—and where members listen, love and accept without any kind of judgment, sermonizing, giving advice—or trying to fix people.

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'”1

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to find a safe group where I can be truly connected to caring and loving friends. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Genesis 2:18 (NIV).

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Direct Banking Details: Haven of the Heart Foundation, Standard Bank Northgate

Branch Code: 001106 / Account Number: 301130698 / Non Profit Organisation Number: 105594

Lonely Hearts (2006 film)

Lonely Hearts (2006 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)



Seeing is not always believing. Old beliefs as well as old habits die hard. For centuries people believed Aristotle’s opinion that the heavier an object, the faster it would fall to earth.

I am not an engineer but according to a report I read, in 1589 Galileo challenged Aristotle’s teaching. He invited learned professors to the base of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Galileo went to the top of the tower and at exactly the same moment pushed off a ten-pound and a one-pound weight.

Both landed at the same instant, but the professors still wouldn’t believe what they saw. They insisted Aristotle was right.

To move ahead in life and to grow—intellectually, emotionally and spiritually—it is important that we examine all our beliefs, test them, hold to the true and discard the false. Admittedly, this is much easier said than done, but done it must be if we are to keep learning and growing. Unless we are open to and willing to change, we get set in our ways and cease to grow.

We don’t read much about Apollos in the Bible but he was a contemporary of the Apostle Paul. He was a very gifted and educated man “with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures.” But he only knew about John the Baptist’s baptism. So when Priscilla and Aquila heard him speak, they explained the gospel message to him more completely.

The end result was that Apollos was willing to listen, was teachable, made the necessary changes in his beliefs and teaching. As a result he became a “great help” to the church.1

“When Priscilla and Aquila heard him [Apollos], they invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately.”2

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please confront me with every issue in my life I need to be aware of, help me to be teachable, and give me the courage to make necessary changes in my life where needed. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Acts 18:27 (NIV).
2. Acts 18:26 (NIV).